everything

because i can't say just how much i miss him in his letters, this is the only place to do that. sometimes i just want to just tell him how much i miss him and love him! I take for granted everything he ever did for me. All of his flowers and love poems and love songs and jokes and stories. I only want to hear his voice. or just look at him. i want him to paint my toenails again. to let me tickle him but never tickle me back because i hated it. i want to play speed with him and play thumb wars, which he would always win even though i always cheated. i want to play basketball with him even though i break all the rules.  i want to go running with him even though he runs slow just for me. i want to play the piano for him and have him close his eyes and listen. i want to make him food and pick out his clothes. i want to hear his goodnight stories. i want to help him do his chores. i miss taking pictures of his beautiful face. i want to drive in my care and listen to him telling me interesting facts i never knew. i miss staying up late talking about questions we had about the scriptures. i miss how beautiful he made me feel every time i saw him. i miss shopping with him. hiking with him, feeding the birds, watching him play his guitar. he would always share decorating and landscaping ideas with me. i miss his hugs the most. i don't get very many hugs from men and his are special to me. i love how observant he is to my feelings. I love how he has never spoken harshly to me. 

the fact is, i want to grow old with him and love him forever

I know waiting is worth it, you don't have to tell me that. But it is hard. The hardest part is hiding your weakness and being strong for them.