"I love you more than I know how to feel"

Monday, July 30, 2012


I AM SOOOO PROUD! Cody had his first baptism and he was the one who did it! I just can't get over how ridiculously awesome this picture is! YAY YAY YAY!

Sunday, July 29, 2012


i can almost not stand being home for the sole reason that EVERYTHING reminds me of cody!  i was just thinking about it yesterday, i haven't had to be home without him yet, because i left to college before he left on his mission. i hate going into town for work and having to constantly remind myself that i can't drive over to his place and see him.  i can't text him, or call him.  everywhere i go, i can't help but think "i went there and there with him. we went into this place together, we hung out here a lot, i wonder if cody would like to go here, we got ice cream there a lot!" it is seriously driving my mind crazy! it seems like it was different at college because i KNEW that cody wasn't there but now that i'm back, it just feels like he is supposed to be here too.  i now need to get used to it here too.  
so the other day i went to Art in the Park.  pretty much it was a million booths in this park showing different kinds of hand made art.  there was jewelery and stained glass and clothes and photography, and paintings, and girly bows, and a million other things. anyways, i love that kind of stuff and i couldn't figure out why i was in such a grouchy mood.  it was because i couldn't get over how badly i wanted to be there with cody.  more than usual because i know cody would love nothing more in the world to go to something like that with me. he is sooo artsy and i love it and i just wanted to talk to him about art ideas and talk about decorating for our future home. it made me incredibly sad. 
SO ... in two years, cody and i are SO going together! in his last letter he thanked me for waiting and promised that he would make up for the time he was gone.  he said he would try to freeze time and make it last forever and that it would be worth it.
i know it will
i love him so much!

playing basketball with him (i so cheated)
picking him up from work and fitting his bike into my car
thumb wars (again, i cheated)
walks in the park and feeding the birds
speed! ALL the time!
foot massages
guitar playing and singing
drawing pictures together
doing his hair
coordinating our outfits
photo shoots
holding his hand while driving
tickling his armpit every time he would stretch
late night ice cream runs
unexpected flowers

Friday, July 27, 2012

my little heart

so girls...to those who have been following my blog, i'm sorry i haven't updated for a LONG time. let me explain my situation. I love cody with more than my whole heart and after he left, i fell into a deep depression. I wouldn't  like to say I gave up on life or anything, but seriously it was the hardest thing I have done in my life and i was really low. I did make spiritual progress and such but my life was seriously very dark and sad. Well i met this guy who made me happy and i started pouring out my heart to him and started to lean on him emotionally and really started using him as my support. I realize this now. I seriously needed something/someone to care about me/be there for me. Anyways, he understood about Cody and i could talk to him about cody and he was taking care of me. we hung out EVERY day. I was happy for the first time in a LONG time. All of a sudden he changed and became... i am going to say emotionally abusive. He really started playing with my head and my heart and kept this up for a long time. Eventually he took my already bearly beating heart and pretty much threw it back at me. Well, I am at home now, and I have just realized just how amazing cody is. seriously. i sincerely believe that i am possibly not good enough for him. who deserves an angel?
Even through the whole ordeal with "guy" I was praying about it and i did feel the impression that he was supposed to be in my life or maybe i was supposed to be in his but lately i have been wondering "why?" why the devil was this guy supposed to come into my life and hurt me when i was already hurt? I think it was so i could really really appreciate what cody and i have. cody treats me SO well. he truly cares about me probably more than he cares about himself. I can't get over it. i love cody more than i can feel and i really think i let myself fall into this other guys hands because he was a temporary drug to me. he almost let me escape my sadness, and it was a drug i kept going back to even when i knew he was hurting me. I guess i am letting you know that i didn't update my blog because my head was confused and i didn't know where i stood, with my head and with my heart. I have now realized how utterly AMAZING cody is and i have recently updated my blog with some pictures. i love you elder norman. i really do.
well, that is my story- feeling like a survivor. i miss my cody
i have had SUCH a hard time writing this because it is very hard for me to open up my heart and share my feelings now.  and sometimes people will say the rudest inconsiderate things to me about cody and my's relationship when it is absolutely none of their business. i don't like people to talk about me and i wish people would realize, like i have, that we HAVE to lean on the Lord and let him guide our paths. And we can't make assumptions of where other's paths should lead.
so this is me being honest-life has been a trial. i believe in cody and me. i also am going to go in whichever direction the Lord puts me. even IF that is down a path that doesn't have cody in it if it's the right thing to do. ONLY because wherever the lord puts me is where i am supposed to be. 
i didn't think it was possible, but i believe my love for elder norman has grown even deeper...i didn't think that was possible 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

new pictures

an older pic of the view from his room in the CTM

His current companion and their desks

a map of the city he is serving in currently

his cute self holding his new awesome scripture case

his weight (in kilos) cause i'm worried about him being too skinny

look how tall he looks! 

i can't wait til he can smile at me again

for some reason, i absolutely love this picture

silly boys

this is so cody

i gave him that pig and that "you can do it" paper on the wall

i just want to hug this boy so bad it hurts

his cup i got him!

i also miss his drawings

aww i'm so proud of him!