i don't know why but tonight i am feeling very frustrated. for absolutely nothing. i get frustrated listening to love songs cause i just want it! i get frustrated looking at pictures of babies, cause i want one! i get frustrated seeing cute couples, cause i want that to be me! ETC! you get the point!
i am so frustrated because i just want cody here with me so bad! i need him to listen to me. it is so hard to handle things without him. and i feel so selfish because i feel this way and then that upsets me more.
so i cry. and then i realize for the millionth time that CRYING DOES NOTHING! it doesn't bring him back so i might as well just stop it already! you would think my heart would get the message! it might as well stop hurting so much, i already know i have a long ways to go still.
Our relationship is beautiful, special, and different. I can't explain it. Maybe these old letters can. This was a week after our love story officially began. Dear you, It's funny, last night I think you were included in every one of my dreams, but I'm not sure because I can't remember them. Also, I'm finding that when I say that I'll miss you when I won't be with you, that is a lie in a way, because you are always in my thoughts and therefore, am with me in a sort of way. I ponder questions often like, what is love? and how much do I care for those I supposedly care for? Is what I am feeling for you genuine? These thoughts scare me Amy. Those are the things I don't want to think about, because I've already thought about them. I already know what I'm feeling, and I am as sure as one can be in my position and at this age that those feelings that I have for you are genuine, and that I truly care about you, and I would do anything to help you or keep you from being hurt, or that I would go out of my way to let you know every waking hour of your life on this Earth and as long as we are together that I love you Amy. If there is nothing else that you can truly believe please know this, that for a surety I have decided that you are worth changing for, and you are wonderful enough to love, and you are kind enough to cherish, and you are amazing enough to be in continual wonderment over. Can you believe me when I say this? Because I don't want to be wrong, and Amy, you haven't shown me any reason why I should be. Again, I just want you to know that I care about you, and that I am here for you when you need someone to talk to, or a shoulder to lean against, or a heart to confide in. And I would be honored if you would so choose me to be that one that you confide in, and lean upon when you're down, and talk to when you need to talk. Okay, I'm just rambling now, and I'm just making a fool of myself. And repeating everything I say. Fine. Amy, goodnight, and I love you, I hope you love me too, because if you do, that would just make my night, day, and existence. -From me
Tonight I was looking, and found the very first email Cody ever sent to me. The very first one! The subject was "Because I love you" Yes, I cried. You know why? Because he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. 7/24/09 As I lay in bed after your phone died, I couldn't help but think of you. As I usually do of course. And as I thought of you, I remembered that you wanted me to pray for you, so I did. And then I thought about how you would probably get on facebook at some point in time, so I wrote this little thing for you and just for you. You are so amazing. You really do astound me on a daily basis. My vocabulary and the vocabulary of mortals cannot aptly or even come close to describing your powerful spirit and your spectacular beauty. You have a lot of things that other girls don't Amy, and I love you even more because of it. I am so honored to even know you. And the fact that you would even consider me to be your boyfriend leaves me in a state of pure awe and wonderment. Thank you so much Amy. Your love for me is more than anything I could ever ask for. And I just want you to know that I truly do appreciate it. Thank you again, and I wish I could really tell you just how much I love you, but it never seems to be enough. So in the meantime until I find a way, can you accept my humble and simple phrases?
Amy, I know. I feel. I think. And I can barely express. What I am about to say is about as representative of how I feel of you as a single star can represent the universe. I, Cody Norman, do know without a sliver of doubt and have determined for myself that I am truly, honestly, sincerely in love with you. And I can't think of anything outside of you disowning me that would make me stop loving you, Amy Campbell. You are the one and only girl that I would even consider dating, and quite frankly, you swept me off my feet. I hope you can come to trust me completely at some point in time, because I would never purposely do something to hurt you in any sense or form. And in case you don't check your E-mail account, I am sending this to you on facebook as well.
Please wait for me, I'm sorry I'm going and missing out on the opportunity to be with you again. And please know that the majority of my thoughts will be consumed with you and I could think of no one better than you to think of. Again, it is an honor and privilege to have you love me, and again, thank you so much for being the best there is.
I love you Amy. And I won't stop until you tell me to, and I look towards that day with sad and empty eyes.
Goodbye Amy, hope to see you as soon as possible. Yes, a seventeen year old boy told this to a sixteen year old girl after ONE month of dating. But I do know that when he asked me, he was so certain of his decision. He took his time in making sure it was what he was supposed to do. My heart is swollen just reading these precious words. Because I know he meant them. He loved me then, so much! And he loves me now, so much! What did I ever do to deserve him? Yes, this is the boy I plan to marry.
I am the happiest girl in the world! I am number 333 on the countdown on the Waiting for a Missionary page on Facebook! AND today, I have been with Cody for 3 years 3 months 3 weeks and 3 days! AAAAAAAND I got 3 letters today! What the awesome?! =D
Cody is the most fantastic boy I have ever met in my life. I love him so much!
Every letter I get is like a boost of confidence. It seems like if I don't get a letter for a while, the darkness and the world start to creep around me with discouraging thoughts like "what if he doesn't want you anymore?" and "this is too hard" and "you don't deserve him" Every time I get a letter, those thoughts are blasted away from me and I am drenched in the love Cody has for me. They keep me going. He keeps me going.