"I love you more than I know how to feel"

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Tonight, while sitting on our couch, thinking about my life, I have come to the realization that I dont know where it's going.  I'm not talking about long distance.  I know what my future goal is.  I am just so stuck in the right now and I am completely baffled when I think about what I am living for right now.  I feel like i'm going to school and growing educationally and spiritually and mentally but at the exact same time, i feel like i'm doing nothing.  It makes me crazy to think about it.  I know that part of it is because right now, I am not around loved ones, such as family.  I guess I feel like my life is pointless? I am studying the scriptures, i do have a testimony, i do have a calling, i just am having a hard time figuring out what i'm supposed to do right now, in my life,  to make me happy...

1 comment:

  1. With all the changes coming your way it's not surprising that you're feeling this. After all, you've been *waiting* for your missionary for 5-1/2 months - he hasn't even left yet! These next two weeks are going to bring a lot of emotions to the surface, and it's fine to feel mixed up right now. As Cody's mom I'm feeling plenty of my own; happy, sad, sad, happy, cry, sad, happy......it's just a roller coaster of emotions. It's change, and change brings about introspective thoughts. I'm sure that Cody's having his own share of thoughts right now. Parting ways is going to be challenging, but just think of all those letters you have to look forward to. It will be different than what you're used to, but there's something in anticipating communication from someone you love. I think deep down you know what makes you happy - your photography for one thing. This blog. Talking to your family. Spending time with your friends. Serving in your calling. As you sift through these emotions what you're probably discovering is that Cody makes you happy. And you're probably afraid that once the visual and vocal contact ends that you're going to be lost. Well, never fear! You have everyone else that loves you to fill that space. And then there will be those very special letters where the boy you love evolves into the man you've always dreamed about; and the girl he loves will evolve into the woman he's always dreamed about. The next two years and two weeks are filled with so many possibilities. Just that alone should make you the happiest girl on the earth!