everything

because i can't say just how much i miss him in his letters, this is the only place to do that. sometimes i just want to just tell him how much i miss him and love him! I take for granted everything he ever did for me. All of his flowers and love poems and love songs and jokes and stories. I only want to hear his voice. or just look at him. i want him to paint my toenails again. to let me tickle him but never tickle me back because i hated it. i want to play speed with him and play thumb wars, which he would always win even though i always cheated. i want to play basketball with him even though i break all the rules.  i want to go running with him even though he runs slow just for me. i want to play the piano for him and have him close his eyes and listen. i want to make him food and pick out his clothes. i want to hear his goodnight stories. i want to help him do his chores. i miss taking pictures of his beautiful face. i want to drive in my care and listen to him telling me interesting facts i never knew. i miss staying up late talking about questions we had about the scriptures. i miss how beautiful he made me feel every time i saw him. i miss shopping with him. hiking with him, feeding the birds, watching him play his guitar. he would always share decorating and landscaping ideas with me. i miss his hugs the most. i don't get very many hugs from men and his are special to me. i love how observant he is to my feelings. I love how he has never spoken harshly to me. 

the fact is, i want to grow old with him and love him forever

I know waiting is worth it, you don't have to tell me that. But it is hard. The hardest part is hiding your weakness and being strong for them.

Songs

Found some beautiful songs that make me cry!

been cryin

no letter

No letter still =( It has been soo long! and I know that when I do get it, it's going to be from his first day being gone.  And then my letters to him will get there in like three more weeks and then it will be like three more weeks after that when I can actually hear whats going on with him. =( He will probably be out of the MTC by then...feeling a little sad

LOVE!

This is Cody and me, doing what we always do =)

awww! i love us!

Best picture ever??

row of dots!

I am so happy that I can actually be counting down finally! I say that because Cody and I were in the negatives for a long time. It took a long time to finally get the paperwork. It took (it seems like) a long time to fill them out and them to be sent off.  It took FOREVER waiting and waiting for his mission call to get here! And then, once he got it, we had to wait half a year for him to leave! So actually! I have been "waiting" for a super long time! I feel like we are accomplishing our goal now! yay! Check out my countdown! 

The very very first dot!

Two weeks worth of dots! 

THE FIRST ROW IS DONE!!! YAY!!!

Three Weeks

Two more days and i'm done with week three, and starting week four! I still haven't received a letter from him, but i'm hoping I will get one soon! I just might go crazy! I did get to read his second email though.  Here are some pictures!

self portrait =)

I'm guessing they were riding to the MTC

Bottom Right Corner!

Learning the language! yay!

Touching a palm tree for the first time ever!!!

So far away from me

My life is just like being on a huge roller coaster! I go from being "hey! this isn't that bad!" to "WAAAAAA!!" 

I am told it will get better in another month. Overall though, when i'm not in those terribly sad moments, i'm doing ok. And I know that i'm doing ok because I really do want him to be where he is at. I am so proud of him! 

Cody told me that he is not going to tell me when he gets home, and it's going to be a surprise! I watched this movie and I just loved it! 

Well, I went to downtown Salt Lake City, Utah this weekend! It is SO GORGEOUS! I wanted to share that experience with him so bad! He told me that one day he wants to take a trip there with me.  I can't wait. Just all the fountains and the flowers alone are amazing! Walking around there alone made me pretty Codysick. =( 

I write Cody almost every night, adding to his weekly letter.  I can't wait to send it off to him.  It still feels like he just left yesterday so maybe it will go fast? I love him to death!

Oh, and I found out today how far away he is exactly...6,432.8 miles...Wow! Soo far!

Car kissing?!

One of the goals/rules Cody and I set up for each other while dating was to not kiss in a car. Not even a kiss on the cheek.  And we never broke that rule! I remember this one time, we pulled up to a friends house, in broad daylight, with people outside, and he opened the door but turned to me to quickly give me a little kiss and my hands went between us SO fast and I gasped and my head jolted backwards! Thinking about it now, I just think how funny that was! =) Well he gasped too! and said "oh my gosh! thank you so much honey! i totally forgot for some reason!" and then gave me a hug! Anyways...I say this because every time I see a couple kissing in their car (...it's BYUI...not uncommon) I think "That is SO bad!" =) and it just makes me happy that Cody and I didn't do that! I love that boy!

My Car!

So i just had to share these pictures! This is when i first bought my car! As you can see it's' pretty old but i love it!

Ford Taurus 89, oh yeah!

me, showing it off!

Cody, ... being silly

...and silly-er!

  

and both of us inside my car! I love him!!!

hmm

I wrote my first letter! for the first week.  I am now starting letter two, for week two.  I am going to write a letter for every week he is gone.  And whenever I hear back from him, I will just put all the letters in the envelope back.  I also wrote my letter in cursive.  It took FOREVER!  My goal was to do that for all of them, but I don't know if I can handle it!

My sleeping problem has been so bad. I don't know whats wrong with me. =(

I sing tomorrow in church and I am SO incredibly nervous it's not even funny! I can do great singing but once you put me in front of a crowd, I shake and choke and my voice gets awful!

Valentines Package

I promised to post pictures of Cody's valentines day package I sent to him, but I had forgotten to get pictures before I sent it.  So I asked Cody to take some pictures for me and he sent them a couple weeks ago! 

Look at all those treats! and jerky, and a letter, and a disc with a picture video on it.

The cutest little pink pig ever!

I love buying clothes for him more than I do for myself!

I found this AWESOME pday shirt!

Here is a close up

and then he added a couple pictures of him enjoying his present...

and another...LOL

picture

Cody emailed me some pictures a couple of weeks ago and I think this is my favorite one so far!

i'm pretty sure he said something super funny because we are both laughing!

MTC

I got a picture of Cody and his companion!!!

Hurt

I had someone say to me "you better write him your dear john now. it's better sooner than later"
Do people not understand how insensitive that is to my feelings?? I am assuming some people may think that I haven't thought about this at all.  That I am "throwing my life away" for two years! That is SO the opposite of what I am doing! This experience is helping me grow! And my life is NOT on hold! I am living, and experiencing, and having fun, and learning, and growing, and making friends!

And I am tired of people telling me that I am a distraction! I am not! I KNOW that I am a support to him! and it hurts me when people tell me otherwise.  I have spent a lot of time on my knees praying to my Heavenly Father about this.  Right now, this is what i'm supposed to be doing.

"Loving is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close at heart" -Kay Knudsen

Missionary Video

I love this video! and it makes me cry every time!

Week 1 !!!

WOOOOO! I have officially made it through my first week!  I am going to celebrate by posting some pictures of him! I have spent the night looking at pictures of him and noticing just how HANDSOME he is!!!

before his missionary hair cut! and his cute cute curls!

After his haircut! and he is cute with it short too!

Can I just stare at him forever?!?

Such a HANDSOME missionary!!!
Those brazillian girls better keep their hands off of him!

I am on break now and was able to pick up a package he left for me at his mom's house.  He left me a box that said my name in pink and a heart. I took it home and opened it and one of the best things that was in there, that really helped me get through this week, was a video of him talking to me.  I listened to that again tonight! I just love him SOOO MUCH! (I will post a picture of the rest of the box later)
Anyways, this week has not been as bad as I always imagined it would be like.  I know that a huge part of that is because he is praying for me to be comforted. =)

Gone

The love of my life flew to Sao Paulo, Brazil on Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012. That was probably one of the saddest days of my life.  My body and mind felt numb when he called me and said that he was saying goodbye.  I was at the grocery store.
"please don't give up on me"
Looking back at it now, I wish so bad that I had said more to him but all I did say was "I love you. Bye honey" Then I hung up the phone and I remember seeing chips and soda and listening to the song "here comes goodbye" by rascall flatts. Perfect song right? I went home and sobbed on my bed for a good while and then got up and went and washed some dishes and started cleaning our kitchen.  Then I went back to my room and started crying again.  My roommates must have heard me because they came in and just gave me a hug and said they loved me.  That night I didn't sleep at all. Literally.  Cody always calls me when I can't sleep.  He would sing love songs to me, talk about nerdy things, or tell me fairy tale stories which he would make up which somehow involved some sort of princess named Amy. I miss him so much it literally hurts me.


Now that I have said my sad side of the story, I have to say that I am so proud of Elder Norman.  Him leaving on his mission is what I have been praying to my Heavenly Father to for so very long.  Now that I have gotten what I have asked for, how can I not be grateful?  This is the most bittersweet thing I have ever gone through.  And I KNOW that this is the best blessing that will come into either of our lives.  I just smile thinking about how amazing of a missionary he is going to be/is! Yes, sometimes I sit in my room, staring at my phone, waiting for his text message that says "i love you", or stare at his picture and cry, or listen to our love playlist, BUT I am trying SO hard to not let those emotions overpower my life.  I'm not going to be depressed because I am being granted an amazing blessing by God.  My life is great!  I just have to figure out how I am going to live without him.  I know that I need to grow spiritually, mentally, emotionally, just like he is going to be.  Yes it is going to be hard.  I know that.  Good thing I have my Heavenly Father to help me with this.
I love you Elder Norman! Come back to me.

Cody and his Stake President right after he became an official missionary!

In Brazil Safe! Here he is with the whole group who flew in that day with him!
(Second row from the front. First guy on the left)