Roots before Branches

Heard this song and started bawling! It just really touches me.

I love the message: Roots before Branches

Pain

This last Sunday we were talking about trials and it hit me that the hardest thing i am going through right now, most everyone around me doesn't even care.  It literally doesn't even phase them.  And I was just trying to let it sink in that the one thing that causes me so much pain is something others wouldn't think twice about.  

It kinda hurt my feelings (pity party) and then i realized that because I am going through this alone, I am going to have to really rely on my Savior and his atonement.  I have learned this semester how the atonement can be used. And sharing our pains with the Savior is a giant part of that.  The Atonement is not just used for sin.  Jesus suffered the pains of the world, and he felt every hurt that anyone has ever felt.  Which means, Jesus felt the feelings I am feeling right now. And it doesn't matter if I think if no one else understands what I am going through because He does. And that can give me comfort. 

love, amy

Dear Cody, 

I miss you so much!

Love, Amy

old picture

Cutest pictures ever!!! Holy Hera! I just got this picture from Cody's mom and I had never seen it before! What a hottie! <3 i'm soo in love! =)

ILP

ILP

International Language Program

What does this mean???

I might go to China next fall to teach little chinese children how to speak english!!! I am soooo excited! I have been thinking about it a lot for the past month or so and looked online for information and such, and found out that there was going to be a meeting about it here in Rexburg.  Then the next day I got a flyer in the mailbox talking about it.  So I went to the meeting and I just strongly felt like this is exactly what I was supposed to do! And I kept feeling like China was the place to go.  There are several different options: China, Mexico, Russia, Lithuania, Etc. So I went home and filled out the application that night and turned it in.  The next day I walked in to the place where they were giving interviews and hoped that I could get one.  I did and then the next day they called me and said that everything was running smoothly and I will find out by next week if I got accepted.  I am soo excited!  I want to go SO bad! The ONLY hinderment is on whether I earn enough money this summer or not, but i'm pretty sure, if I work hard, I can save it! I need $2,500 to go and then some extra spending money, but I already have my job lined up for when I get home and I know I can work hard! I just feel like it's the right thing for me to do.  

I will finish my semester here at BYUI, go home and work this fall/winter until I come back next January, then I will finish my next two semesters here and graduate, and then I will immediately leave to China for four months and get back in November of 2013.  It will be perfect! Then Cody gets back in the spring of 2014! I can work after I get back from China, saving money for when Cody gets back! 

By the way...If I go, I totally get to see the Great Wall of China!

I'm crossing my fingers till next week when I find out!

Scrap book

So I have decided that I will not post anything about weddings until my last six months! I am trying so hard not to go against that! I already have an entire album with all my ideas and pictures and such BUT I AM GOING TO WAIT! Then I can plan it for real! =)

So instead of talking about wedding stuff, i'm going to share a little bit about my scrapbook which Cody and I made together.  It is the cutest thing ever and took FOREVER to make! <3 I had made him a little one for a valentines day gift, maybe our first together? But this one is way awesomer! And Cody said that I could have this one to take to college with me! I am so happy about that because it is perfect! Here are a couple pictures of a few of the pages and I will share more later!

And I will stop with those because I want other things to blog about later. (I do have 22 months to fill) 

Also...I haven't gotten a letter in over eight days which is strange considering the fact that Cody writes me two letters a week. I don't know if I should worry! It's probably the slow mail because it's from Brazil.  In the last family email, he said that he finally received all of my letters to him! The order he got them in? Letters 2, 3, 4, 5, 1, 6, and i'm not sure if he got seven or not...I don't remember.  He said he wasn't sure when he was going to get letter one! 

Talking about mail...I feel like I am a mailman stalker! It reminds me of this song! 

Also!!! My newest favorite song is Kiss Me Slowly by Parachute! It is so beautiful! I did add it to my playlist but I just had to add a video too!

Nine more days till i'm on month three!!! 

I love Elder Norman!!!

How cute!

my "i love you" ring

Before I left to college, Cody and I exchanged rings for Christmas. I got him a RWH (return with honor) missionary ring and he gave me an "i love you" ring.  He told me it was because he wouldn't be there to tell me he loved  me, so all i have to do was look at it and remember! I love that boy! and my ring! I don't go a day without wearing it. In fact, it feels naked when I don't.

My "I love you" ring

<3 <3 <3

Look how adorable he is! growing his hair out for me! =)

crash

I hate how I emotionally crash every night! No matter how great or average my day is, I crash at night.  I go from being busy or caught up in things to being alone.  Alone with my thoughts (which I am trying SO hard to be uplifting and optimistic) and feelings.  I go from kinda missing Cody, to feeling like my heart is being ripped out...over and over every night!
I am homesick again lately and it probably has a lot to do with the fact that I am hating college right now. Would I tell anyone that? no. I try not to tell anyone that but I am going through the worst semester ever and I am doing terribly in some classes.  I literally want to quit for now and come back when i'm ready.  It is a lot harder than I thought and I am struggling.  I am really just trying to get through these next two months.
Well...still missing Cody but I have almost gotten used to the pain.
Trying to be brave! He is worth it.

beautiful song!

I am in love with this song right now!

and this quote!

One of the things that keep me going is thinking about all the poor girls who are going through what I went through on day one and my heart hurts for them! I know how hard it hurts and I know how far I have come and it makes me happier.

Cody quotes!

SO! I have gotten five letters so far! and in the last family email, Cody said he has gotten three Dear elder letters and his FIRST HANDWRITTEN LETTER from me!!! I'm soo excited!

My very first letter!

 Also, in the package Cody gave sent to me for my birthday, he gave me a pad of sticky notes with 100 cody quotes and sweet nothings! I thought it was so sweet! But I decided that since two years is 104 weeks, I would kinda just use it as a countdown.  So every week I pull a new sticky note off! =) Well i'm on week seven now and I love every single one of them!

he is seriously the cutest ever!

part of a poem he wrote me

some of the lyrics from the song he wrote me

more poems

awwww!

whenever i made notes or to do lists, he would write "love cody" and put a checkbox

AWWW!

he is the best. period.

my body

So I am kinda confused with some of my thoughts lately.  I have been working out a lot ever since the beginning of this semester.  I did workout last semester, but now I am being way more dedicated and such.  I also have started dieting very recently.  The dieting has been brought on by a few things.    
For one, I went to the doctors the other day and had myself weighed and I haven't been weighed since my senior year of high school at wrestling state.  After that, I was kinda done with weighing myself and worrying about that. Well the number was higher than what I weighed during wrestling season...surprise! not.
Another reason would be that I want to look great for when Cody gets back, though I KNOW he loves me that way that I am and always tells me I am beautiful no matter what.
I want to feel confident.  I feel better about myself when I wear smaller clothes and when I look good in clothes and shorts.
I want to be healthy. I am an athlete and I know the importance of being healthy and that our bodies need it.  I also believe that diet/exercise is a very important part of obeying the Word of Wisdom and it's something God wants.
I am getting weird feedback because of my actions.
I don't know if my actions are caused by me not feeling beautiful or not.  Some of my friends commented on facebook that I shouldn't feel the need to diet and that I am beautiful the way I am.  That God made me this way and loves me.
My first reaction was, this isn't about that, it's about looking good.  And then I had to stop and think about that and the difference between the two.
I know that God loves us the way we are.  I also feel like God wants us to take care of our bodies that he gave us.  People take a side and voice their opinions of them and it confuses me.  I guess what it comes down to is the why.  Why are we doing what we are doing when it comes to health?
I guess this is why I am struggling with myself.  I don't know why I am doing what I am doing.  I know that I have always struggled with seeing the beauty in myself.  I know that wrestling has warped my mind in the ways of what is healthy.  I have struggled with being the biggest girl in my family.
I also know that God made us the way we are and loves us.  I know that our actions and thoughts define who we really are no matter what the shape or condition of our bodies are in.
This all confuses me.  I still work out three times a week.  I love that I can take that time to burn a little stress.  But when it comes to dieting, how do I know if what i'm doing is right? Am I going too far? Should I just work on loving myself as I already am now? Or is this a healthy decision? One that I should be applauded for? What is right?
Those are my thoughts for now...

update

In my last letter from Cody, (there have been three so far) he said that so far there are a total of NINE letters that he has sent to me!!! NINE! I have six more letters on their way! I am just so excited to get them! So far he hasn't gotten one of my six letters. =( He has gotten some dear elder emails and such though.  I am so thankful for that site! But I do know that hand written letters are the best! <3 I don't have any other update on him except that he loves me still! and he is happy and loving it!

simply me

Sunny Days

I'm loving the sun here in Rexburg! But who knows how long it's going to stay around...it might start snowing tomorrow! But for the meantime, i'm going to be taking pictures!

Did I mention that I got a third letter? Yep! Pretty happy, and I have sent off my letters to him! I still check the mail every day though I know that I am most likely not going to get anything. I can get through this! I am much stronger than I sometimes think I am.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that if Cody came back to me right now, it would feel like he hadn't left at all, and that makes me feel like I can keep waiting longer. 

 <3 I love you Elder Norman! And someday, you will read this! Just know that I know you are worth it!

Love, your Amy 

LETTER!!!

So, since I was informed from both my moms that my letter would probably get here today, I was ready and waiting in the lounge for the mailman! Once I saw him pull up, I was ready with the door open and squealing.  The lady opened the bag and sloooowly took out the letters and I saw my name and almost started squealing.  I was literally off my feet, hanging over the front desk trying to grab it! So I got my letter and ran home to read it! 

About halfway into my letter, my roommate knocks on the door and says "amos, i know your busy reading your letter but i got something for you." I open my door and... SHE IS HOLDING A SECOND LETTER! Of course I freak out and grab it! 

2 LETTERS!!!!!! and this is my box of love!

So pretty much I cried the whole time while reading them! I don't know why but somehow I have been soo worried lately that he has stopped loving me and i'm no longer important to him and blah blah blah! 

I know that it was just my woman mind being silly! But after reading his letters, I just KNOW that he still loves me and that he is an AMAZING missionary! I love him sooo much! 

I love Elder Norman!

I have been feeling ridiculously sad and depressed lately soo I decided to add some pictures! I love blogging! It makes me happy! and I get to see pictures of Cody's face! =)

A group shot! (Those girls better not flirt with him! )

So this is just to get an idea of how GIGANTIC Sao Paulo is!

This is the Brazil MTC or (CTM is how he says it!)

A front view of it! It's soo tall! Cody's room is on the 6th floor!

The Sao Paulo Temple!

Look how adorable he is!!!

So, still no letter! But his mom called tonight and said she got her first letter from the day he left when he was in the airplane! She read it to me! It was kinda weird because it was from his first day leaving and he has been gone for over a month now! And i just found out my mom and my sister got letters from him today too! so hopefully mine will come on Monday!!! Fingers are crossed!!!

699 days!!!

boooooyaaaaaa!!! i am out of the 700's!!!!! SO excited!!! 

So today marks one month of Cody being gone! Like i said before, my emotions are all over the place! the other day my roommate walks in and says "Amy, how are you doing ok? aren't you sad?" and I answer "what other choice do i have? it's either be fine or die!!" Anyway I feel like my emotions are perfectly described in Tangled.  Watch this video and laugh!

oh! while we are on the subject of cute! lets just watch the tangled lantern scene also! which almost makes me cry every time i see it.  i just want that to be me! it's sooo romantic!                                                 

                                 

Well, in Cody's last email to his family he said that he has been sending me a letter every week since he has been gone! i almost started crying! so even though it's been a month and i haven't gotten a letter, i know that once they do come in, they will just keep coming! that makes me so happy! and then i can send my over 18 pages of love to him! 

oh! and i was thinking about our anniversary which is next month.  i think i am going to order a pizza for him? and have them deliver it with the pepperoni's in the shape of a heart?? i talked to a lot of MG's and they said that they did the same thing! i think, if it works out, it will be perfect! anyways, we will see what happens!

making out

I just want to say how frustrated I am! I was having conversations with some other waiting missionary girlfriends! and what is the number one thing they want to do with their boy when they get back?? Talk about all their experiences? Go to dinner? Take a romantic walk? Catch up on some movies? NO! The number one answer is make out session! Am I a little paranoid with this topic because that is the exact reason why so many couples get into trouble?? yes, i am right! It is the exact reason why my roommate missed out on a temple marriage.  Because she liked to make out a little too much.  And when I bring that up, they roll their eyes and think "whatever! molly mormon here!" and the ONLY thing I say is be careful and make sure that your emotional relationship is as important as your physical one.  If that is true, then there should be more important things to do.  I am not saying don't kiss! Heck! I am definately going to kiss Cody! BUT I know that we have set rules and I definately want to do other things with him more!

I just have to vent about this! My last couple of posts i talked about everything that i missed about Cody! and kissing wasn't one of those things! NOT that it wasn't important, just that when I was writing about it, that's not what I missed. I missed the other things.  And what does that tell me? that tells me that we have a great relationship!

unexpected wedding

So today ends week four.  Tomorrow starts week five and I still have not gotten a letter.  My daily runs (literally) to the mailbox are still as disappointing as they were the first week.  

My day today has actually been very strange.  Let me explain.  My roommate and I got a new girl move in with us this semester.  She just started dating this boy a week before the semester started and about a week or so ago, they got engaged.  Well, they have only been together for like three weeks total.  Anyways, they had planned on getting married in October and were very excited.  But on Sunday, she informed us that, because of certain choices that they had made, they were in fact leaving school and going to be civilly married on Thursday! Well, today is Tuesday and when I woke up, she told me she was getting married at four thirty! CRAZY! So she went out and found a wedding dress and I did her hair in the thirty minutes before she had to be at the court house.  Me and my roommate went with two other people who were the witnesses.  The ceremony lasted about ten minutes and lacked the spiritual aspect that I was wishing for.  

and that was that and now it's over.

I am so sad about the circumstances around this marriage. A marriage that was supposed to be magical and beautiful and spiritual and the the greatest blessing of a persons life! I am so sorry that she couldn't experience a temple marriage because of the decisions she had made!  and I know that it's because she hadn't set rules for their relationship.  I am not judging her or criticizing her.  I am just taking this experience as a lesson for myself. 

The fact is, Cody and I have already set rules for when he comes back home!  We want a temple marriage more than anything! and I am not willing to compromise with that goal for anything! I always knew why but now, from experience, I can feel why!