"I love you more than I know how to feel"

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

my body

So I am kinda confused with some of my thoughts lately.  I have been working out a lot ever since the beginning of this semester.  I did workout last semester, but now I am being way more dedicated and such.  I also have started dieting very recently.  The dieting has been brought on by a few things.    
For one, I went to the doctors the other day and had myself weighed and I haven't been weighed since my senior year of high school at wrestling state.  After that, I was kinda done with weighing myself and worrying about that. Well the number was higher than what I weighed during wrestling season...surprise! not.
Another reason would be that I want to look great for when Cody gets back, though I KNOW he loves me that way that I am and always tells me I am beautiful no matter what.
I want to feel confident.  I feel better about myself when I wear smaller clothes and when I look good in clothes and shorts.
I want to be healthy. I am an athlete and I know the importance of being healthy and that our bodies need it.  I also believe that diet/exercise is a very important part of obeying the Word of Wisdom and it's something God wants.
I am getting weird feedback because of my actions.
I don't know if my actions are caused by me not feeling beautiful or not.  Some of my friends commented on facebook that I shouldn't feel the need to diet and that I am beautiful the way I am.  That God made me this way and loves me.
My first reaction was, this isn't about that, it's about looking good.  And then I had to stop and think about that and the difference between the two.
I know that God loves us the way we are.  I also feel like God wants us to take care of our bodies that he gave us.  People take a side and voice their opinions of them and it confuses me.  I guess what it comes down to is the why.  Why are we doing what we are doing when it comes to health?
I guess this is why I am struggling with myself.  I don't know why I am doing what I am doing.  I know that I have always struggled with seeing the beauty in myself.  I know that wrestling has warped my mind in the ways of what is healthy.  I have struggled with being the biggest girl in my family.
I also know that God made us the way we are and loves us.  I know that our actions and thoughts define who we really are no matter what the shape or condition of our bodies are in.
This all confuses me.  I still work out three times a week.  I love that I can take that time to burn a little stress.  But when it comes to dieting, how do I know if what i'm doing is right? Am I going too far? Should I just work on loving myself as I already am now? Or is this a healthy decision? One that I should be applauded for? What is right?
Those are my thoughts for now...

1 comment:

  1. My first though amy is, I LOVE YOU!

    my second: you have been working out a LOT, so you weighing MORE is actually normal since muscle weighs more than fat.

    Third, throw the scale away. Don't listen to it! Listen to your body instead. How do you feel? How do you fit in your clothes? The scale doesn't mean a whole lot. People see me and think i look pretty good yet my scale says over 200lbs! The number is not the most important thing!

    as for the 'diet'. Don't. Diets do not work. Lifestyle changes do. It has to become a part of yoru life for things to change. Eat more veggies, lean protines and watch your portions. Drink lots of water (i'd go for 3 liters a day if you could!) and cut down on junk food if you can.

    That is not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. That in the long run will make you feel the best about yourself and your body.

    I love you, you are perfect as you are but you also need to be happy. But i don't believe dieting is the answer <3