So I am kinda confused with some of my thoughts lately. I have been working out a lot ever since the beginning of this semester. I did workout last semester, but now I am being way more dedicated and such. I also have started dieting very recently. The dieting has been brought on by a few things.
For one, I went to the doctors the other day and had myself weighed and I haven't been weighed since my senior year of high school at wrestling state. After that, I was kinda done with weighing myself and worrying about that. Well the number was higher than what I weighed during wrestling season...surprise! not.
Another reason would be that I want to look great for when Cody gets back, though I KNOW he loves me that way that I am and always tells me I am beautiful no matter what.
I want to feel confident. I feel better about myself when I wear smaller clothes and when I look good in clothes and shorts.
I want to be healthy. I am an athlete and I know the importance of being healthy and that our bodies need it. I also believe that diet/exercise is a very important part of obeying the Word of Wisdom and it's something God wants.
I am getting weird feedback because of my actions.
I don't know if my actions are caused by me not feeling beautiful or not. Some of my friends commented on facebook that I shouldn't feel the need to diet and that I am beautiful the way I am. That God made me this way and loves me.
My first reaction was, this isn't about that, it's about looking good. And then I had to stop and think about that and the difference between the two.
I know that God loves us the way we are. I also feel like God wants us to take care of our bodies that he gave us. People take a side and voice their opinions of them and it confuses me. I guess what it comes down to is the why. Why are we doing what we are doing when it comes to health?
I guess this is why I am struggling with myself. I don't know why I am doing what I am doing. I know that I have always struggled with seeing the beauty in myself. I know that wrestling has warped my mind in the ways of what is healthy. I have struggled with being the biggest girl in my family.
I also know that God made us the way we are and loves us. I know that our actions and thoughts define who we really are no matter what the shape or condition of our bodies are in.
This all confuses me. I still work out three times a week. I love that I can take that time to burn a little stress. But when it comes to dieting, how do I know if what i'm doing is right? Am I going too far? Should I just work on loving myself as I already am now? Or is this a healthy decision? One that I should be applauded for? What is right?
Those are my thoughts for now...